


#boringshoreleave

by fairhearing



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, F/M, Flirting, Humor, M/M, Multi, Nerdiness, Sexual Content, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-21
Updated: 2012-04-21
Packaged: 2017-11-04 01:33:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/388181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairhearing/pseuds/fairhearing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The gang's on a shore leave that's... boring. Somehow they all end up typing on their spaceternet devices in the same chat room. Sounds like trouble, doesn't it?</p><p>Warnings for: language, sexuality, limited html</p>
            </blockquote>





	#boringshoreleave

*** DeafeningAwesome has entered #boringshoreleave  
  
* Spock has entered #boringshoreleave  
  
* ImADoctor has entered #boringshoreleave  
  
* Cunning_Linguist has entered #boringshoreleave  
**  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** wow  
  
 *** WhatsBeaminUp has entered #boringshoreleave  
  
* Flying_Parry has entered #boringshoreleave  
  
* Pridurok has entered #boringshoreleave  
**  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** we are all incredible nerds.  
  
 **[Spock]** Your reasoning for this assessment, Jim?  
  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** well  
  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** I didn't expect you guys to actually ANSWER the invitation.  
  
 **[Pridurok]** lol  
  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** we're all clearly nerdy losers, huddling in a chat room instead of like  
  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** actually GOING OUT, getting laid, experiencing sunlight, what have you.  
  
 **[ImADoctor]** I think you have a lifetime's worth of getting laid to tide you over, jim.  
  
 **[Pridurok]** hahaha  
  
 **[Spock]** Indeed. More relevantly, this particular shore leave has proven less conducive to leisure activities than previous ones.  
  
 **[Cunning_Linguist]** Boooooooooooring.  
  
 **[Flying_Parry]** It's also boring  
  
 **[Flying_Parry]** damn, beaten  
  
 **[Pridurok]** lol  
  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** You mean it's -- GASP -- boring, Spock?  
  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** bugger  
  
 *** ENTENG0201742 has entered #boringshoreleave  
**  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** oooooh, an interloper.  
  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** sorry, serious lag, it's driving me kind of mad.  
  
 **[Pridurok]** mr scott- is Linksys PAP2?  
  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** n, I've always used fairly specialized equipment for my VoIP stuff. Or all software-based stuff.  
  
 **[Pridurok]** just run Asterisk@Home@Ent, bro  
  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** I want a hardware gateway, though. So I can use my communicator.  
  
 **[Flying_Parry]** Oh god please stop them now  
  
 **[ImADoctor]** Who's ENT42343523434523?  
  
 **[Pridurok]** lol fair enough but settings pages of PAP2 are....... hm  
  
 **[Pridurok]** big.  
  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** a deaf-mute, apparently, bones.  
  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** lol this is tiny, bro.  
  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** would you like to borrow my goddamned manual on how to set up a MiWasco switch correctly.  
  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** It is 1 (one) billion pages.  
  
 **[Flying_Parry]** STOP THEM  
  
 **[Flying_Parry]** FOR THE LOVE OF GOD  
  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** Mr. Chekov, Mr. Scott  
  
 **[Flying_Parry]** STOP THEM  
  
 *** _Pridoruk_ hits Mr Sulu on head with manual  
**  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** I order you to end this conversation immediately.  
  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** seriously.  
  
 **[Pridurok]** Yes sir.  
  
 *** _Flying_Parry_ throws manual out nearby airlock  
**  
 **[Spock]** Jim, I realize resistance is still, most likely, futile; however, I once again feel that was an inappropriate use of executive privilege.  
  
 **[Cunning_Linguist]** What's necessary is rarely appropriate, Spock.  
  
 **[Flying_Parry]** WORD  
  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** everyone's against me. ;_;  
  
 _ *** Pridoruk**_ **retreives manual with leete transporter skillez & jumps on mr sulu's orchids  
**  
 **[Flying_Parry]** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo!!!!!!  
  
 **[Flying_Parry]** MY BABIES!!!  
  
 **[Cunning_Linguist]** You brought this upon yourself, auldjin.  
  
 **[ImADoctor]** brb, bleeding redshirt alert  
  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** AULDJIN?  
  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** i'll have you know i'm not a day over 60.  
  
 **[Cunning_Linguist]** lol  
  
 **[Cunning_Linguist]** I would have never guessed.  
  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** i think i am going to get some vodka  
  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** in honor of mr chekov's rich heritage or something  
  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** Don't worry, I'm not offended. In fact, many would never guess, as I've maintained my svelte figure so well.  
  
 *** _Pridoruk_ did nt really jump on the orchids, just on Mr Sulu's stomach.  
**  
 **[Flying_Parry]** lol  
  
 **[Cunning_Linguist]** I hope that wasn't supposed to be ironic, auldjin, because your figure is perfect.  
  
 **[Cunning_Linguist]** Not all of us cotton to Western society's boring-ass anemic beauty standards.  
  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** Easy for one to say when one fulfills all those standards.  
  
 *** _Flying_Parry_ is unhurt, as Ensign Chekov weighs approx .5 kilograms  
**  
 **[Pridurok]** lol so cruel  
  
 **[Spock]** Mr. Chekov and Mr. Sulu, I assume your respective announced actions are humorous falsehoods and not a literal log of your respective activities. If not, I must remind you that attempted destruction of personal property, in addition to attempted physical harm, is anathema to both Starfleet regulation and human etiquette.  
  
 **[Pridurok]** Oh, sorry, Mr Spock! :) Yes, I am just joking  
  
 **[Pridurok]** I do nt know about hikaru though  
  
 **[Pridurok]** he may be doing this things in real life.  
  
 **[Flying_Parry]** lol I am not, you damn pridoruk  
  
 **[Spock]** Thank you for the reassurance.  
  
 **[Cunning_Linguist]** Oh, come on, Skawttie.  
  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** Whatever, you're too clever not to know you're gorgeous, I won't insult your intelligence, KNEE-OAT-UH  
  
 **[Pridurok]** gasping!! now come insults!! you see mr spock? he is very bad  
  
 **[Spock]** I suspect Mr. Sulu made that comment in jest, Mr. Chekov, as it is your current username.  
  
 *** _Flying_Parry_ throws the pridoruk Pavel into a water pipe, seals it up with aforementioned manual  
**  
 **[Pridurok]** lmao SO CRUEL  
  
 **[Flying_Parry]** What?? I gave you something to read and everything!  
  
 **[Spock]** Please excuse my momentary absence; I have a visitor at my door.  
  
 **[Cunning_Linguist]** Tell you what  
  
 **[Cunning_Linguist]** I'll acknowledge people like the way I look, if you'll do the same.  
  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** ach  
  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** You win this round  
  
 *** _Pridoruk_ falls out excape hatch like mr scott, excapes to brige, gets beated up by mr spock, becomes captin  & then shakes water all over hikaru  
  
* _Pridoruk_ like dog  
  
** **[Flying_Parry]** ackpt  
  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** But someday victory WILL be mine.  
  
 **[Cunning_Linguist]** We'll see.  
  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** lol, oi, a little verisimilitude, if you please?  
  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** i highly doubt mr chekov would still be functional after his sudden (sodden) jaunt in the WFS.  
  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** that shit was bloody baltic, bro  
  
 **[Cunning_Linguist]** lol, sudden-sodden  
  
 **[Cunning_Linguist]** 8/10, Mr. Scott.  
  
 *** _WhatsBeaminUp_ beams, appropriately.  
**  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** HEY, wait a second  
  
 *** _Flying_Parry_ turns down the thermostat 10 degrees. He is happy to suffer through this if Ensign Chekov shares his misery.  
**  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** I outrank you! You can't give me grades!  
  
 *** _Cunning_Linguist_ whistles innocently.  
**  
 *** _Pridoruk_ laughs because I have reprogramed thermostat so the changes only effect mr sulu.  
**  
 **[Pridurok]** i should actually do this some day, actually  
  
 *** Flying_Parry is now known as An  
**  
 *** _An_ anomalous space-time fissure suddenly swallows Ensign Chekov whole, then vanishes as suddenly as it appeared.**  
  
 *** _An_ d nothing of value is lost.  
**  
 **[Pridurok]** :(  
  
 **[Cunning_Linguist]** Uh oh, signs are beginning to point to epic here.  
  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** Indeed, auldjin.  
 **  
[Cunning_Linguist]** lol, *you're* the auldjin!  
  
 *** An is now known as However  
  
** *** Pridurok is now known as Mr_Sulu**  
  
 *** _However_** , **this lack of loss is only because Ensign Chekov managed to beam himself to safety 15 minutes before the fissure appeared, so he's still on the bridge.**  
  
 *** _Mr_Sulu_ was first one to fall into anomaly. electromagnetic force of two bodies in extreme gravitey causes reversed polarity. pavel is expelled back into space. in a space suite so he does not die. jumps on hikaru's stomach again as he is leaving.  
**  
 **[However]** : ow my fuckin stomach  
  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** I don't recall any kind of auldjinness being established in regard to my person.  
  
 **[Cunning_Linguist]** I have logs suggesting otherwise, sir.  
  
 *** However is now known as Pavel  
**  
 *** _Mr_Sulu_ gets expelled back too eventually, and also has space suite.  
**  
 **[Mr_Sulu]** his stomach is strong and O. K.  
  
 *** _Pavel_ 's relief is short-lived, however, when he suddenly finds himself on that planet where the brain guys trap you in different realities. Everything seems idyllic at first: all six retro-gen consoles WITH backwards compatibility, 10 cases of Dr. Pepper, Ludvig Faddeev's complete works. However, when he settles in with a book -- it's a fencing manual. All the games -- fencing simulations. The Dr. Pepper tastes not like Dr. Pepper but like a thousand rusty foils. Pavel lets out one, silent, impotent scream to the raging sky.  
**  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** asdasdf  
  
 **[Cunning_Linguist]** lol  
  
 **[Mr_Sulu]** lol hikaru you will pay  
  
 **[ImADoctor]** Back  
  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** back.  
  
 **[Spock]** I am once again present.  
  
 *** _Mr_Sulu_ is forced to hang out with aunt yukiko for ever  
  
** **[Pavel]** lmao fuck you **  
**  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** wb crewbros  
  
 *** _Pavel_ is strangled, strangled  
**  
 *** _Mr_Sulu_ and she makes spagetti every night  
**  
 **[Spock]** Thank you, Mr. Scott.  
  
 *** _Pavel_ is strangled, strangled  
**  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** lol, ENGENT1111131 is still here?  
  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** maybe he/she/it is a robot.  
  
 *** _Mr_Sulu_ 's hands explode when he trys to strangle someone. no explination why.**  
  
 *** _Pavel_ IS STILL STRANGLED BY OTHERS**  
  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** my god, you two, get a room.  
  
 *** _Mr_Sulu_ STILL EXPLODS**  
  
 *** Mr_Sulu is now known as Ensign_Pavel_A_Chekov**  
  
 **[Ensign_Pavel_A_Chekov]** I'm sorry sir.  
  
 **[Cunning_Linguist]** Tch, look what you did, Jim.  
  
 *** Pavel is now known as HikaruSulu**  
  
 **[Cunning_Linguist]** That was getting very entertaining.  
  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** lol, that was the weirdest double-nick-switch of all time just now.  
  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** I'M SEEIN DOUBLE. EIGHT CHEKULUS.  
  
 **[HikaruSulu]** HAHAHAHA :|  
  
 **[ImADoctor]** uh, yeah? if you seriously think you can get him to join in again. i'm still kinda pissed though, the best orgasm of my life and it has to be from SPOCK  
  
 *** _Cunning_Linguist_ spittake**  
  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** lol WHAT  
  
 **[Cunning_Linguist]** did I just read that???  
  
 *** ImADoctor has left #boringshoreleave**  
  
 **[HikaruSulu]** what. the fuck.  
  
 **[Ensign_Pavel_A_Chekov]** lololol  
  
 *** Spock has left #boringshoreleave**  
  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** SSDSHF LMAO LMAO OH MY FUCKING GOD LMAO  
  
 *** ImADoctor has joined #boringshoreleave**  
  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** o hay wassup bonez.  
  
 **[ImADoctor]** Wrong window, okay?  
  
 **[ImADoctor]** It was supposed to be a goddamn PM  
  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** oh jesus balls, bones i'm dying, lmao  
  
 **[ImADoctor]** I'm not THAT fucking vulgar.  
  
 **[ImADoctor]** oh fuck you, jim  
  
 **[WhatsBeaminUp]** Wait, now we need details.  
  
 **[Cunning_Linguist]** Seriously.  
  
 **[Cunning_Linguist]** I mean, it's true, Spock gives amazing orgasms, but *context,* doctor.  
  
 **[ImADoctor]** fuck y'all too.  
  
 *** _HikaruSulu_ shoves Pavel into the middle of chat**  
  
 **[HikaruSulu]** oh sorry, that was supposed to be into a PM  
  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** LMAO  
  
 **[Ensign_Pavel_A_Chekov]** lmaodasfdhgnd  
  
 **[ImADoctor]** FUCK YOU ALL  
  
 **[ENTENG0201742]** *gasps!*  
  
 **[ENTENG0201742]** wait a second! did you and jim and spock just have a threesome?!  
  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** lol?????  
  
 **[ENTENG0201742]** that is so great!  
  
 *** ENTENG0201742 is now known as Easy_Being;_Green**  
  
 **[Easy_Being;_Green]** are you guys gonna do it again?! can I come?! if you know what I mean?!  
  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** LMFAOOOO  
  
 **[ImADoctor]** angels and ministers of mercy preserve us.  
  
 **[Cunning_Linguist]** lmao Gaila, 10/10 for the nick.  
  
 **[Easy_Being;_Green]** thnx roomie! ;D  
  
 *** Spock has entered #boringshoreleave**  
  
 **[Spock]** I have determined that embarassment is intrinsically illogical.  
  
 **[Easy_Being;_Green]** spock!! i heard about the threesome!!  
  
 *** Spock has left #boringshoreleave**  
  
 **[Easy_Being;_Green]** :(  
  
 **[DeafeningAwesome]** brb, fucking dying


End file.
